Disappearing, Part 2
In this time of my disappearing, my aging, my eventual demise, I am not unhappy, depressed nor otherwise distressed. In fact, as I have been through all my other phases, my childhood moves, my sojourn in the Navy, my trip through higher education, marriage, children, and various career changes, I am excited for the opportunity. The past is very much the past, and now is what I have to live for, and I want to ensure it is time well spent. It is a chance to learn.
I’ve spent a lifetime trying to know the nearly unknowable, finding myself in new situations and trying to make sense of things. Standing outside myself, watching me in action, then coming back and explaining things. To say, this is what I see, this is why, this is what we should do. To learn. To adjust. To change unpleasant habits. To chart new courses. To find myself, and figure out how to be true to myself. And not in a narcissist, a me above all others way, but in a self-satisfied, feel good about myself way.
Overall, I feel as though I’ve been relatively successful. In each phase, I’ve applied lessons I learned and learned new lessons in return. The me of now is not the me of yesterday. I figure this time will be no different, although I doubt there’s much training I can do for what follows, partly because my religious convictions aren’t what they once were. Which is why I think it best to concentrate on being kind, gentle, courteous, and loving, and hope that someone, at some point, while I’m still alive, comes up with a good explanation of quantum mechanics.