There’s a phrase, keeping it together, which applies to my life. I have a hard time doing it. Some people seem to be built like walls, brick and mortar, everything in place. I, however, feel like a loose accretion of rocks and gravel. Bits falling off, dust trailing behind, nothing stuck anywhere that will stick for long. It means that when I think I’ve got it all together something is likely to fall off.

Several months ago, I had a small get together at my house. To decorate, I bought cut flowers, put them in a vase, and set them on the island in my kitchen. My guests enjoyed them. Afterwards, I left them out until they started to wilt. Then I decided to replace them. I’ve had cut flowers on my island in my kitchen every day since then.

I wish, in my youth, that someone would have taught me how to do crossword puzzles. I think it might have helped me learn the art of patience and quiet thinking. My late wife did them, but I don’t know how she came to the practice, or what pleasure it brought here. I needed a mentor to make the suggestion then teach me the art.

I watched an ant walk the length of a table the other day. On his way to somewhere to do something, most likely look for food. But there’s no telling what his journey was about. He was just a tiny being, walking in his world, unaware of me or my world. And while I sat in a community of friends listening to music, I wondered about his community of friends. Did they miss him? Would they even know if he never came back?

I did a good thing yesterday. I got peeved and kept it to myself. That feels like progress. Although, since making the decision last November to stop talking about my pet peeves, I’m fairly certain I still talk about them on occasion. I likely unload on my friends and family, without much thought, whenever one of my pets rears its head. I guess old habits die hard.

I spent Saturday in the company of friends. Friends from the old times, the old days. From the time when life was young and tomorrow was an endless stretch of days.

As a young man, pulling on your pants one leg at a time is no big deal. As an older man it’s a test of agility and technique. Several weeks back I thought I’d forgotten how to do it.

I like some of the little vagrant plants that call my gardens home. One’s that caught my eye for several seasons is cutleaf evening primrose. It grows close to the ground with lovely little yellow flowers that are pinkish when they close up. Several plants call the north fence garden home. It makes sense they’d show up since the ground is freshly tilled and I’ve taken no steps to stop wild seeds from sprouting.

On the highway between Johnson City and Dripping Springs lies the unincorporated area known as Henly. When we first moved to the area, it was simply a wide spot in the road. Now, it’s way more than that. As you drive through and look north you can see the valley and the hills beyond. We owe that nice view to a company that sells aggregate. In 2016 they started clearing away the vegetation before they began carting away the hills by the truck load. Strip mining old sea floors. There’s no telling how low the hills will go before they get done.

Less than a month ago, I said I needed to stop thinking and talking about my age, that it was just a data point. But I’ve decided as data points go, it’s a fairly significant one, and it might be the thing I need to talk about. After all, this blog, through the twelve years of its existence has largely been about my journey, from Houston to the Hill Country, through a life with dementia, and life after dementia. Life and death. Nature. So, aging feels a part of that. It’s a stage in my journey.

Green has never been my color except it’s the color of money and the color of nature and both of those are big pluses. Unfortunately, I’ve had more exposure to the latter than the former, especially now that I never really see a dollar. Who among us actually handles money these days. It’s more of a concept than a real thing. But I can’t say I miss standing in line to deposit a paycheck. It’s nice to have the funds magically appear.

My wildflowers are certainly enjoying the cool embrace of our recent wet weather. The Lemon Bee Balm is coming up along with some Queen Annes Lace that was in one of the wildflower packets I sowed. Not many consider the Lace a wildflower. But there it is so I’ll take it. It bears a small resemblance in its flowers and leaves to hedge parsley, which I pull from my gardens when I can. We’ll see how the new visitor matures.

I think finding my way back to books has had a material effect on my sleep. The 3 a.m wake-up still comes but not with a rush that truly wakes me. I simply roll over and go back to sleep, and when I am awake, I look for any excuse to sit down with the book and get on with the story. And if you’re curious as to story, it’s the Dungeon Crawler Carl series. I’m on book three. There are eight books, with more planned. I’m not sure how far I’ll get but we’ll see how it goes.

Movie time. Watched two films recently. The fourth John Wick installment, and One Battle After Another. Mr. Wick has now killed approximately 439 people in those four movies. Someone calculated that’s a kill roughly every 1 minute and 11 seconds on average. I found it less entertaining this time around. Plus, he’s taken an astonishing number of falls to little affect. I guess the Baba Jaga is immune to the laws of physics.

Two, two-inch rains, back-to-back, is a good soaking in anyone’s book. And if I kept detailed stats, I’d be able to comment on just how much rain has fallen this month of May. But my stat keeping is nonexistent. I might note it in this blog, but there’s no other record. So, let me sum it up. Monday and Tuesday were wet, rainy days. My rain tanks are full, and the ground is as soft as butter.

We had another good rain yesterday. My gauge clocked in at 2.5 inches, and a lot of that fell in a very short time. I suppose that’s why my phone started blowing up with flash flood warnings. More is promised today once the day warms and the air gets stirred up. We’ve had a nice wet month of May, and some of the local lakes are benefiting. So, it was a nice Memorial Day.

Walked into the carport yesterday to get my gloves and came face to face with three wren chicks learning to fly. One fluttered off to get stuck between the shelves and the carport wall. The remaining two just sat and looked at me. The mother or the father, I don’t know which headed back to the nest. In deference to the birds and the training session, I backed up, forswore the gloves, and moved on.

It’s a lovely morning in the neighborhood. The sun is out, the birds are singing, there’s dew on the grass. The air is cool and kind. I’m in a good mood. I have a slightly sore finger from the prick of Mesquite thorn. I started trimming a tree yesterday and got careless. But overall, I feel fine, and I’m doing the best I can to maintain that spirit.

When we first moved into our new home we were gifted with spineless cactus. We put one on either side of the entrance to our driveway. Eventually, they outgrew the space. I dug them up and moved them to the backlots along the south fence. There they are thriving. To say they are comfortable in their space is an understatement. They are a great windbreak and deer deterrent.

I’m binging on books, the paper kind I can hold in my hand as I try to get the light just so as I read. I want to break my fixation with my phone and digital media. I want to work at getting information into my brain rather than having it pushed at me like an IV. I want to read the back cover, see a paragraph about the author, a summary of the text, and assess its worthiness for consumption. I want to sit when I’m done and consider what I just read.