Gray Day
Durn. An unexpected grayness has settled over me. I’m not sure what to make of it. As I said, it’s unexpected. I had what passes for a good night’s sleep. Most likely, it is a valley between the excitement of doing one thing and the coming of anticipation for the next. The existence of those twin peaks tends to make what comes between seem empty. Although, when I’m in a gray day it colors everything. So, it’s hard to tell. Sometimes it’s merely a day that sneaks up on me.
Luckily, I have learned to live with my gray days. I think it’s some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain. Bad diet, perhaps, or something I ate or drank. Something is lacking somewhere. Activity is my drug of choice, physical or otherwise. But it’s like cold starting an engine. Things grind and I have to talk to myself in the third person, and sometimes I don’t listen. Because I have a way of telling myself gray days are purposeful days, it’s my body’s way of slowing me down and letting things sink in. And sometimes it’s just me feeling sorry for myself about nothing in particular, and that feels okay.
I wish I could go from one bright shiny day to the next without a lull in between, but it appears the lulls are my way of managing the unmanageable. Life. The gray day is scene setting time, a rebuilding time, prep time. When it comes to the puzzle of life and the world around me, my brain appears to be a puzzle doer and really enjoys trying to make sense of things. It never tires of making suggestions, and asking, “What if…?” I confess. It can be exhausting. But it’s gotten me a good way down the road. So, gray day here I come, ready or not.