Making Way
There was a time when I felt perpetually on. Sensitive to every twist and turn life was prepared to throw at me. If life was a roller coaster I knew better than to stiffen up and hold the sides. Better to relax and flow around the corners. Being tense in times of trouble bode ill for my chances of surviving the trouble. I tried to be like water, looking for the path of least resistance on my way to the sea. I relished the challenges.
Now I stand at the shore, and I no longer feel the need to be on. In fact, I don’t want to be on. At least not like I was in the days of my youth. I want to walk along the beach. Hear the waves, feel a little water on my feet. I want to run from storms, escape heat and cold. Avoid trouble. I’ve never really liked trouble, I just knew it was always a thing for a husband and father to overcome. So, in a way I welcomed it, and reveled in my ability to cope. Nowadays I simply endure. I’m no longer building a career or a life. I’m just living.
Of course, if I’ve learned anything, it’s this. The universe doesn’t much care what you want or think. A deer is always there to step in front of your car. A rule is there to confound you. A disease set to make you ill. It’s always something. So, I guess the difference the days make is that the cultivated insouciance of my youth is no longer a cause for swagger, it’s just a way to make it through another day in what I hope to be a long life.