Reruns
It is nothing for me to wake at night and instantly recall some moment in my life that needs re-litigating. Sometimes, they’re events close at hand, other times they’re decades in the past. The other night I found myself in the early 80s, at my second job out of college. I have no idea why I decided to relive those days, but there I was, wide awake, going over all the things I did or didn’t do and regretting some of them.
The regretting part is usually where I get stuck, wishing I’d done something different. Because I suppose it’s human nature to think every different choice is always a better choice, but the world is full of unintended consequences and sometimes the road not taken is best left untaken. Of course, I’ve always liked learning from my mistakes, but I suspect most of my useful lessons have long since been gathered. And that’s usually how I break out of my late-night ruminations, that and getting out of bed for a moment.
Of course, there’s always the possibility this is something I’ve done all my life, and it’s how I’ve learned and made decisions. And without a lot new going on in my life, my sleeping brain dredges up old situations because there’s nothing new to mull over. Which means, now that I think about it, maybe I can reprogram my brain, set different parameters, and try to get it to stay in this decade. That, I believe, is what they call food for thought, and now I shall think it and see what happens.