The Issue
I’ve found myself sitting a bit too much lately, and I think it might be contributing to some of my back issues. I’m taking steps to rectify the situation. A friend’s daughter is helping me find a physical therapist, and I already have a good massage therapist. Now I just need to be my own get-up-and-go therapist and get moving. It also occurred to me, however, that in addition to dealing with an aging body, I might also be wrestling with a mild depression.
I hate to be a google doctor, but I’ve lived with my mind for the best part of eighty years, so I know a little bit about what it’s up to. I still care but it’s been a tad bit harder these days to translate the caring into action. And when I do start acting, there’s a slight feeling of being overwhelmed. That’s the concern, because it’s not anywhere close to the truth. There’s no job to manage. No kids to raise. No pressures of any sort. It’s the opposite. I have a nice home, tons of friends, and reasonably good health. I travel and can do what I want. My kids are coming to help celebrate my birthday. So, what’s up?
After a fair amount of pondering, I finally decided that maybe I have a touch of survivor’s guilt. Why did I get to live this long, with all that I have, while my wife and three of my closest friends had to check out. Shouldn’t I be sadder? Is it just to be happy while others are mourning? It’s a hard thing to navigate but I suspect I know the answer and that’s probably part of the problem. It seems the best way to honor the departed is to remember them with joy, embrace the life they lost, and do my best to keep their memory alive. But it’s just a little harder than it looks.