It’s always the same. There is the injury. There is the acknowledgement. There is the recovery. Tuesday night my calf was screaming. Injured in my sudden retreat from the unexpected appearance of the red wasps, it wanted to bear no weight. The next morning it was tender, barely walkable, and I visited the clinic to ensure the damage was routine. This morning, what felt catastrophic on Tuesday, feels more or less normal. There is soreness, but I am ambulatory.

I believe my body has decided enough is enough. On the day I finish a course of meds for hip and shoulder injuries, I pull a calf muscle getting away from a wasp nest I accidentally disturb. The hip had me limping for the pain it fed into my lower back. Now I’m off to limp for the lower leg. I’d say it doesn’t seem fair, but I’m fairly certain fairness has little to do with it. It’s just my mind making promises my body can’t keep.

Chasing fame. It’s an odd passion. But it occurs to me that everything I’ve done in my life has been in service to that notion. From the first newspapers I sold as a child to Marines at 29 Palms through every job I’ve ever held since, I’ve either sold or helped to sell something. That’s what companies do. They want to be famous. Known. And they want people to give them money. Anyone working for them, in any capacity, helps to fill that mission.

There are times, when for no clear reason, I find myself plagued by something poking me in a finger or a toe, and I have no idea how it got there. It only hurts when I bump against it, and it takes real work to find the source of the irritation. Sometimes it’s easily removed with a pair of tweezers or a finger, and sometimes it just stays there to fester, harden, and eventually go away. I think there are a lot of spiritual things like that. Little irritations that you discover by accident when you bump into them. They’re hard to spot and harder to remove and cause that little bit of annoying trouble that reminds you the problem is there, maybe to be fixed, maybe not.

I work with a team of people who help a friend cater meals. One meal in particular is meant to replicate a fine dining experience. The table is set as tables should be set. We dress in black. Serve from the left, pick up from the right. It’s all about decorum. But there’s always a tension around the serving and picking up as to the necessity of the form because it’s not always easy to do. I insist we try; some are more relaxed.

At the first of this month (June), I noticed we were sharing our Post Office with the city just down the road (Blanco).  Didn’t think much of it. Thought there must have been an emergency and they needed help. But yesterday, they were still there and I asked why. The clerk said they lost their lease. That surprised me, because it didn’t seem like that was something that would sneak up on you.

Father’s Day. My day. Me as a member of the father class. I like being a father. I mostly liked coaching. I loved cheering. And I read to them every night. I was a good diaper changer, I knew how to feed, and I could pat babies to sleep. I could even handle the kids while my wife got alone time. I was hit or miss as a disciplinarian, and I could have used a touch more calmness.

A friend recently asked what I had planned for the week, and I said, “Nothing.” Except I have one or two things planned, but they’re things to which I’ve been invited. Planning implies something I’ve set up, and the legit answer these days, more often than not, is nothing. I’ve spent most of my life having to be somewhere and do something, mostly going to and from work, so the idea of meandering a through a day, a week, and even a month, is appealing.

I’ve noticed in my various feeds lots of stories about the Algerian soccer team in Kansas, and the Scottish team in Boston. It seems the World Cup has come to the Americas. All the clips are good, and they have made me feel good, because I like those sorts of clips, especially the ones with the Scots singing. But it occurred to me that given the way algorithms work they might be singling me out, because, well -- algorithms.

Went to a big box bookstore yesterday, Barnes & Noble. Got washed in a wave of nostalgia. Once upon a time I worked for a publisher and sold books for a living. Every year at the big industry trade show we’d collect reading copies of new books. Some years I’d bring home boxes of them. Yesterday, I felt like I was back at that trade show. I wanted one of every book on display. I restrained myself, however, budget limitations, and bought the book I wanted plus one other.

There’s a phrase, keeping it together, which applies to my life. I have a hard time doing it. Some people seem to be built like walls, brick and mortar, everything in place. I, however, feel like a loose accretion of rocks and gravel. Bits falling off, dust trailing behind, nothing stuck anywhere that will stick for long. It means that when I think I’ve got it all together something is likely to fall off.

Several months ago, I had a small get together at my house. To decorate, I bought cut flowers, put them in a vase, and set them on the island in my kitchen. My guests enjoyed them. Afterwards, I left them out until they started to wilt. Then I decided to replace them. I’ve had cut flowers on my island in my kitchen every day since then.

I wish, in my youth, that someone would have taught me how to do crossword puzzles. I think it might have helped me learn the art of patience and quiet thinking. My late wife did them, but I don’t know how she came to the practice, or what pleasure it brought here. I needed a mentor to make the suggestion then teach me the art.

I watched an ant walk the length of a table the other day. On his way to somewhere to do something, most likely look for food. But there’s no telling what his journey was about. He was just a tiny being, walking in his world, unaware of me or my world. And while I sat in a community of friends listening to music, I wondered about his community of friends. Did they miss him? Would they even know if he never came back?

I did a good thing yesterday. I got peeved and kept it to myself. That feels like progress. Although, since making the decision last November to stop talking about my pet peeves, I’m fairly certain I still talk about them on occasion. I likely unload on my friends and family, without much thought, whenever one of my pets rears its head. I guess old habits die hard.

I spent Saturday in the company of friends. Friends from the old times, the old days. From the time when life was young and tomorrow was an endless stretch of days.

As a young man, pulling on your pants one leg at a time is no big deal. As an older man it’s a test of agility and technique. Several weeks back I thought I’d forgotten how to do it.

Less than a month ago, I said I needed to stop thinking and talking about my age, that it was just a data point. But I’ve decided as data points go, it’s a fairly significant one, and it might be the thing I need to talk about. After all, this blog, through the twelve years of its existence has largely been about my journey, from Houston to the Hill Country, through a life with dementia, and life after dementia. Life and death. Nature. So, aging feels a part of that. It’s a stage in my journey.

Green has never been my color except it’s the color of money and the color of nature and both of those are big pluses. Unfortunately, I’ve had more exposure to the latter than the former, especially now that I never really see a dollar. Who among us actually handles money these days. It’s more of a concept than a real thing. But I can’t say I miss standing in line to deposit a paycheck. It’s nice to have the funds magically appear.

I think finding my way back to books has had a material effect on my sleep. The 3 a.m wake-up still comes but not with a rush that truly wakes me. I simply roll over and go back to sleep, and when I am awake, I look for any excuse to sit down with the book and get on with the story. And if you’re curious as to story, it’s the Dungeon Crawler Carl series. I’m on book three. There are eight books, with more planned. I’m not sure how far I’ll get but we’ll see how it goes.