I’ve spent several days in the last week talking about truth spurred by a documentary on Thoreau and his search for truth. Then I spent this weekend confronting my own truth. I’m dying, not in a specific way such as a horrific diagnosis, just in the general way that everyone dies. Time is running out. I’m entering my eighties, and for the first time, when thinking about a tree to plant, I realized I might not see it through to maturity. That’s a sobering thought.

I bought nine plants yesterday. Four marigolds, three Spanish lavenders, and two prostrate rosemary’s. I planted them in groups because I think it will help them thrive to have a companion of the same species close at hand. After all, they grew up that way. I did the same last year with mealy sage a friend gifted me. I planted them in two groups, and they’re thriving.

The odd thing about the truth is that any claimant can wear its name and once clothed it becomes indistinguishable from the real thing. And we are so in love with the idea of truth that we will die to protect it or kill. So, we’ve done a lot of horrible things to one another and had things done to us all in the name of the truth. It continues because sadly, the idea of truth is a useful tool if you’re selling something or want something from someone like money or a vote.

I’m still on the truth. Partly because it’s interesting, and partly because it’s so elusive. It’s all wrapped up in the verb to be, the usefulness of which I came to doubt in a Victorian literature class when the instructor started talking about Modern Painters, Aristotle, and Plato. I was reviewing music and a great realization swept over me, that what I was hearing was probably nothing like what someone else was hearing. So, where was the truth in that?

I saw a promotion for a documentary on Thoreau yesterday, and during the promotion his search for truth was mentioned. It seems a common goal for writers, they’re always looking for the truth. Lots of people already claim to know the truth, just take a quick gander at all the worlds religions, or anyone trying to sell you something.

Every morning I go out to see what the clouds and the sun are up to. I stand on the end of the south porch and look east. Today’s show was particularly nice. Thin clouds spread across the sky reflecting the coming of the sun in various shades of pink, gold and lavender. The morning air was cool, with a slight breeze. It was idyllic. It was nature at its best.

And today we’re off in search of words, because yesterday was a day of rest. Although, I did go hear two friends play and sing in the company of many other friends. Wine and chocolate were involved as well, which combined with the cool weather made for a lovely day. The singing friends were Tina Mitchell Wilkins and Ron Flynt.

It’s interesting work refurbishing rooms well lived in. The rooms in question were occupied by my son, who now has a place of his own, after many years of helping me during his mom’s illness and after her passing. I’ve already painted one room, and I’m now working on the bathroom where water has proven a formidable enemy. I’ve painted, replaced baseboards, tightened up moldings, and all that’s left to do is caulk.

Ah, the flowers I have known. Their memories dance in the garden of my mind. Azaleas in front of our second home in Pasadena. A lush, full coral vine in the backyard. Antique roses flanking the drive in Alvin. Johnny Jump Ups by the front porch. The Gulf Muhly we planted upon our arrival at our current home. The red rose, planted at the east end of the house, that grew to well over six feet before succumbing to drought.

Over the winter I spread wildflower seeds in my wildflower garden, basically it’s a patch of untended ground given over to what most would consider weeds. The first bloom to appear after the Bluebonnets was a California Poppy. It was a nice surprise. I hope more show up, and I may order some seeds to give it company because it is an attractive bloom, and I think it would look nice in my front yard.

Had my innards scrutinized again yesterday. The annual celebration of my abdominal aortic aneurysm repair. It was me, two techs, iodine, and a CT machine. The process took about 30 minutes. It was a lot easier than last year when it took two days, because machines were down. Doctors will look at these pictures and tell me what they see. I might get a fork in the road, or permission to carry on.

I bought some cut flowers the other day. Carnations. White and red. Friends were coming over, and I wanted a little color in the kitchen. The flowers have done well. They still look fresh. I think I’m going to make a habit of this. Flowers outside. Flowers inside. They were less than $5 a bundle. I’ll go for different colors on the next go just to spice things up.

It’s gardening time again. Yesterday, I planted a patch of Inland Sea Oats a friend gifted me, and I trimmed the deadwood from the Turks Caps along the front porch. The latter was tedious work and previously handled by my late wife. I usually remonstrated her with the remark that no one trimmed deadwood in the forest. But being on my own now, I see the value of the clean lines and a fresh start. I’ll do the lantanas today.

My embrace of the night of two sleeps is playing hell with my mornings. I used to be up at 5:30. Then it slipped to six. Nowadays it’s coming in around 7 or even 7:30. Sometimes I feel like a wastrel. Squandering time by lying about. But I know that time is not really mine to squander, it’s just there to use, and perhaps in the time between my sleeps I now should consider some semi-useful activity.

Winter stopped by the other day, burned the leaves and blooms on a few trees, before realizing its mistake and heading out of town, apologizing profusely for causing a disturbance during the arrival of spring. No one seemed to mind however, because it was nice to get one more chance to wear a sweater, and everyone knew winter wasn’t really here to stay.

I never dreamed I would become a fan of creams and lotions. But I have. My aging skin is thinning, and doing what old skin does. But I have an ancient influencer known as a doctor, a dermatologist, one who specializes in skin care, and she has recommended treatments, based on science, I assume. I follow them as best I can, especially when the north wind blows and the air dries out and my skin dries out even more and the itching comes. It’s a torment.

I can see the frost in the moonlight. That would be bad news if I had an orchard, but my peach tree passed a while back, so the plum is the only fruit tree left, and it’s never fruited. It had lots of blooms this year for the first time, however, so I’ll check when the sun comes up to see if anything fruity is going on. My persimmon is a male, which means lots of flowers but no fruit. That’s probably a good thing because persimmons stain.

At the moment, it’s fair and 41. Yesterday we hit the nineties. One day you’re up, the next day you’re down. At least it’s not snowing, but we might touch freezing tonight. Not what the new buds on the plants need. But it’s only for one night, and it might not be long enough to do any damage. Most of the trees have been through this before. They’ll bounce back.

I painted yesterday. One of my least favorite things to do, but I’d priced it out and figured when you have as much time as I do, painting a room, really isn’t that difficult. Unfortunately, I’m a can short and I’m not sure why I didn’t realize I might need two gallons of paint, especially since I had to paint the ceiling. So, now I have to wait until Monday to finish up. That’s okay.

Sleep these days has become an exercise in pain management. My hips hurt, my shoulders hurt, my foot hurts, old hernia repairs hurt. I pulled something in my right arm moving a dresser. It now hurts. I’d like to think there’s a way out of it, but I’m pretty sure it’s just my lot in life. I occupy an old frame and even though I’ve tried to treat my body with respect things just happen.